How to Shut Up a Lawyer

by
posted on December 14, 2011
dogs_ah2015_fs.jpg (5)

One of my favorite duck-hunting buddies is a hero of sorts: He went duck hunting on his honeymoon; he consistently finds good hunting among the nation's mostcrowded public areas; and he married an attractive, young attorney.

Now, if you enjoy an expensive hobby like waterfowling and have the opportunity to marry one of mankind's fewlikable attorneys, by all means go for it, but don't kid yourself that the arrangement is foolproof. She will be friends with other young attorneys—she may even invite them into your home—and the only thing worse than lawyersare young lawyers. They think they're smarter than you (let's face it, they probably are), and they're filled with doe-eyed idealism and the desire to make a difference in the world. It's sickening.

So it was with no small amount of trepidation that I accepted an invitation to attend my buddy's Christmas party. As I feared, the place was crawling with lady-lawyers. I did my best to avoid eye contact (they can see into your soul, you know) and carrymytwo carefully preparedplates of bluebills to the grill. I'd arranged a simple, classic appetizer that I like to call jalapeno quackers: bacon-wrapped duck with a slice of jalapeno and sharp cheddar in the middle. I threw the grill on high heat, grilled the first plate and carried it inside. By the time I returned with the second plate, the lawyers had devoured every morsel from the initial offering.

"My gosh," an attorney exclaimed, "What kind of beef was that?"

"You just ate a wild duck," I said. "Fresh from the Potomac."

To their credit, the attorneys eagerly began polishing off the second plate as well, and for the first time all evening, they were silent.

Latest

Vermont Flag With Suppressors
Vermont Flag With Suppressors

Hunting Suppressed Now Permanently Legal in Vermont

On June 6th, Vermont hunters gained the permanent right to use suppressors in the field when Gov. Phil Scott signed House Bill 878 into law, thus removing a sunset provision installed in Senate Bill 281 in 2022 that temporarily legalized their use.

First Look: G9 Defense .308 Winchester 145-grain Barrier Blind Solid Copper Hollow Point

Barrier Blind Solid Copper Hollow Point from G9 Defense is built to provide exceptional barrier penetration, great expansion and 18 inches of target penetration with nearly 100-percent weight retention.

Latest DNR Survey Shows Stable Wolf Population in Michigan

The 2024 winter wolf population survey estimate from the Michigan Department of Natural Resources found a minimum of 762 wolves in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula (U.P.), demonstrating a continued trend of statistical stability in Michigan’s wolf population.

Wisconsin DNR Sued over Firearm Prohibition on Waterways

Late last week, the Wisconsin Institute for Life and Liberty filed a case against Acting Secretary of the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources (DNR) Steven Little, to prohibit enforcement of Wis. Admin. Code NR 20.05(2).

NRA Applauds Defeat of Vermont Bill That Would Stack Fish and Wildlife Board Against Hunting

Vermont senate bill that would stack fish and wildlife board with non-hunters is defeated.

Review: DoubleTap Ammuntion's DT SnakeShot Revolver Loads

This new series of pest control round fires birdshot along with a hardcast lead solid for added punch. B. Gil Horman tests its performance in six of its seven available chamberings.

Interests



Get the best of American Hunter delivered to your inbox.