Tales From My Father: Emergency TP

posted on October 8, 2012

I’ve heard plenty of funny hunting stories over the years, but one of my personal favorites comes from my Dad, set a year so before I was even born and just after my parents had moved in together.

Dad was in a goose pit one winter day with a couple hunting buddies and the family golden retriever when nature called.

Not wanting to offend anyone’s olfactory sense, he excused himself from the pit, found a secluded part of the field and “took care of business,” so to speak. It was then—and only then—that he realized he didn’t bring the bag of toiletries with him. Worse, he was pretty sure it wasn’t in the pit or truck. Nothing around looked appealing, either. Uh oh. Time to improvise.

Fast forward to the next day, where my Mom was getting a load of laundry together. She picked up Dad’s hunting clothes from the day before and noticed his boxers, though intact, had the rear end cut out.

She confronted Dad, and he explained that the back half of his cotton undergarments had been cut out and used as a substitute for his toilet paper. Her next question, obviously, was why he’d taken the time to cut them up rather than just using them whole.

“What if I had to go again?”

Well argued, old man, well argued.


Keefe Shooting 712 G3
Keefe Shooting 712 G3

#SundayGunday: CZ-USA 712 G3

Get a closer look at the CZ-USA Field Sports 712 G3, the latest addition to our #SundayGunday series.

Recipe: Shane’s Goose Bake

This recipe uses all components of the goose, including legs and thighs, breast meat, and the gizzard, heart and liver. The different textures and flavors often surprise people who actively seek “special parts” from the roaster.

Hardware: Savage 93 Minimalist

The Savage 93 Minimalist combines a classic laminate stock design with modern aesthetics to achieve a lightweight platform with improved ergonomics.

First Look: Alps OutdoorZ Deadquiet Ember Handwarmer

Alps OutdoorZ has debuted its Deadquiet Ember Handwarmer. This handwarmer works in conjunction with the company's Deadquiet Shield Bino Harness, or as a standalone product to help keep hands warm and ready when the temperature take a dive.

New for 2023: Fiocchi Speed sTEAL

Fiocchi has expanded its Flyway offerings with Speed sTEAL shotshells. Boasting dense patterns for terminal performance Speed sTEAL is developed specifically for early-season teal hunting.

First Look: Bond Arms Rawhide .22 LR

Made after its namesake, the Bond Arms Rawhide .22 LR is as tough as leather and ideal for plinking or varmint control.


Get the best of American Hunter delivered to your inbox.