How Duck Calls Could Save Your Relationship

One evening many years ago a wise old man was sharing the secrets of life with me over cold drinks.

"Tell me, Frank," I said, "What's been the key to your long and healthy marriage?"

"Oh, that's easy," he replied, a twinkle in his eye. "If I give up, my wife wins."

You see, ol' Frank is of the opinion that the goal of a relationship isn't making your partner happy or sharing life experiences, but simply "to win." Let's consider that premise for a moment, shall we? If we are to defeat our spouses, we must have the ability to overcome their deadliest tactic: the silent treatment.

The first three hours of it are actually quite wonderful—an opportunity to catch up on sports or drink a beer—but by hour four, I loathe the silent treatment. Oh how I loathe it. She won't tell you when to expect supper. Or when your shirt will be ironed. And there's no solution but to do the unthinkable: Admit we were wrong!

That is, until now. The next time your spouse gives you the "silent treatment," respond with my new ploy: the "hail call treatment." How's it work? Exactly the way you think it works. And if you do it right, believe me, your spouse will say something.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes. I'm still tweaking the finer points to my technique.