How to Shut Up a Lawyer

by
posted on December 14, 2011
dogs_ah2015_fs.jpg (5)

One of my favorite duck-hunting buddies is a hero of sorts: He went duck hunting on his honeymoon; he consistently finds good hunting among the nation's mostcrowded public areas; and he married an attractive, young attorney.

Now, if you enjoy an expensive hobby like waterfowling and have the opportunity to marry one of mankind's fewlikable attorneys, by all means go for it, but don't kid yourself that the arrangement is foolproof. She will be friends with other young attorneys—she may even invite them into your home—and the only thing worse than lawyersare young lawyers. They think they're smarter than you (let's face it, they probably are), and they're filled with doe-eyed idealism and the desire to make a difference in the world. It's sickening.

So it was with no small amount of trepidation that I accepted an invitation to attend my buddy's Christmas party. As I feared, the place was crawling with lady-lawyers. I did my best to avoid eye contact (they can see into your soul, you know) and carrymytwo carefully preparedplates of bluebills to the grill. I'd arranged a simple, classic appetizer that I like to call jalapeno quackers: bacon-wrapped duck with a slice of jalapeno and sharp cheddar in the middle. I threw the grill on high heat, grilled the first plate and carried it inside. By the time I returned with the second plate, the lawyers had devoured every morsel from the initial offering.

"My gosh," an attorney exclaimed, "What kind of beef was that?"

"You just ate a wild duck," I said. "Fresh from the Potomac."

To their credit, the attorneys eagerly began polishing off the second plate as well, and for the first time all evening, they were silent.

Latest

Draper Shooting Ruger Super Redhawk 22 Hornet
Draper Shooting Ruger Super Redhawk 22 Hornet

#SundayGunday: Ruger Super Redhawk in .22 Hornet

Get a closer look at the Ruger Super Redhawk in .22 Hornet, the latest addition to our #SundayGunday series.

Review: Ruger Super Wrangler

The Super Wrangler is reliable, accurate and affordable. It may well be this generation’s best of the best for a “woods” gun and is an excellent rimfire handgun choice for any hunter.

Traditions Launches Outfitter G3 in 360 Buckhammer

Traditions Firearms has announced the release of its Outfitter G3 single-shot rifle line in 360 Buckhammer. This caliber will be available in both the standard and all new Pro Series models.

Head to Head: .375 H&H Magnum vs. .416 Rigby

The .375 H&H Magnum and .416 Rigby are both capable of taking the entire spectrum of game animals, in any climate, on any continent. But which is the better choice for the hunter? We investigate.

New for 2024: Heritage Manufacturing Heritage 92 Line

Heritage Manufacturing has launched its line of Heritage 92 lever-action rifles. Rooted in tradition, the Heritage 92 series is designed to pay homage to the iconic firearms of yesteryear while delivering the precision and performance demanded by today's enthusiasts.

Accessing Peak Performance

On a West Texas hunt, where shots can go long, a capable rifle is only part of the equation. Success requires peak performance from the shooter, too.

Interests



Get the best of American Hunter delivered to your inbox.