Radioactive Boars Run Rampant in Germany

The Headline: Radioactive boars rampaging through Germany

The Summary: According to Fox News, wild swine near Chernobyl, the infamous nuclear reactor site, are running rampant because hunters are too afraid to eat them due to the boars' heightened radioactivity level. Hunters, called jaegers, used to take about 800,000 of them annually, but now, because of mild weather and the government’s struggle to compensate hunters, only about 285,000 were taken last year. This has led to increased conflict between humans and these dangerous, radioactive boars, as there have been several reports of boars attacking humans, even in urban areas.

Jeff’s Take: Sounds like a good time for field trip to Germany to me.

Recommended Gear: Sauer 202 Takedown rifle, a proven mutant pig plugger, East German military chemical suit

Alternate Headline: Johnston to Quell Mutant Pig Rebellion, if Boss Will Allow