How to Act Like a Wingshooter

These 10 tips will ensure people think you're a fine wingshot, dog trainer and overall sophisticate. Take it from me: Perception is more important than reality.

1) Carry a lanyard filled with fancy acrylic and wooden duck calls, but avoid the oldest mistake in the book: actually blowing them. If your blind-mates get suspicious, say something about the ducks being "spooky" or "call shy". Nobody needs to know your greeting call sounds like an 8-year-old playing a kazoo.

2) Have your dog professionally trained. When your pheasant hunting buddy remarks at the dog's steadiness to wing and retrieving ability, tell him you "force broke" the dog yourself over a period of months. Avoid questions.

3) When handed a fine Cuban cigar, lament that it's wrapped too tightly for a smooth draw and pretend to know what that means. Take a long puff. Avoid eye contact. Everyone will nod.

4) What's your favorite tasting ducks? Canvasbacks, of course.

5) Buy an o/u Beretta (DT10 Trident or better), Krieghoff or Perazzi. Perhaps shoot it in the company of a confidant, but mostly just carry it around the gun range wearing a tweed hat and smoking a pipe.

6) Never admit to merely wrapping your doves, ducks or upland birds in bacon. Always mention a homemade marinade and "some other stuff I can't tell you about."

7) Repeat after me: "I like my bourbon neat or on the rocks, depending upon the air temperature."

8) Collect old decoys

9) Frequently quote Jack O'Connor, Elmer Keith and Peter Capstick. It's okay that you secretly
prefer E. Donnall Thomas and Gene Hill.

10) If you spot ducks far too distant to be identified, quickly remark, "Mallards out front
." Most of the time you'll be right.

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3 Responses to How to Act Like a Wingshooter

Kyle W. wrote:
August 04, 2009

Charlie, I'm fine with adding a splash of coke to your bourbon, but Cosmos should not be consumed under any circumstances.

Charlie Rogerson wrote:
August 01, 2009

Good take! What if I like my bourbon with coke? Or what if I like a good Cosmo after a long day of hunting???

Peggy B. wrote:
July 29, 2009

I could take this advice seriously if I didn't know Kyle to be an aficionado of bourbon, fine cigars, tweed and animal husbandry. His false modesty may be endearing to some, but it hides his glorious accomplishments on Pennsylvania's vaunted high school gridiron.