Four Canada Geese Mutilated in Naperville

The Headline: Four Canada Geese Mutilated in Naperville

The Summary:
The Chicago based station/website WBBM780 reports that a person made a "grisly discovery" of 4 dead geese that had been "mutilated" with their "chest cavities missing." Although the story has since been changed, the original story (which has since been removed from the site) posted on Dec. 30 treated the discovery like a crime scene, and said that officials "were completing their investigation into the apparent slaughter." The original story also said that "Canada geese were among the first animals and plants to be protected under the Endangered Species Act of 1973," and that although "by 2001 [Canada geese] were considered recovered," it is "still illegal to hunt them." An updated story posted later that day said that Canada geese are legal to hunt, and that it may have been hunters that killed the geese.

Jeff's Take: When I first saw this unbelievable story, I looked at my calendar thinking it was surely April 1. But, sadly, for the news station and Bob Connolly, the aspiring Sherlock-meets-Geraldo who wrote it, it is not April Fools. Nope, it's the peak of waterfowl hunting season. The original story reveals just how out of touch with hunting that the media is. To most of us, these geese were killed and de-breasted. But the crack staff at WBBM780 was convinced they had a possible animal-mutilation caper on their hands and wanted the deranged perp to be brought to justice. That they confused Canada geese with Aleutian geese and said Canadas were "endangered" and illegal to hunt, is head-shaking sad, but not surprising. I called the station and learned that they'd had many calls from sportsmenm, which is likely why they updated their story, which turned out to be a classic caper, indeed—nobody there wants to claim this butchered story.

The Crime Blotter: ... "the initial telephone call received by police indicated 'the chest cavities of all four [geese] seem to be missing.'"

The Detective's Deduction: Well, Watson, after studying the facts, I've deduced that geese are tasty, and the reporters are idiots! Investigation closed; carry on, good sir!

Alternate Headline: Grisly Crime Scene For Chicago Newsmen Is Holiday Dinner For Others


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2 Responses to Four Canada Geese Mutilated in Naperville

Chris wrote:
January 06, 2010

Chupacabra have migrated as far north as Naperville!

Rick Rodzewicz wrote:
January 06, 2010

Don't jump to any conclusions. Were there any crop circles nearby? Any UFO sightings? This may have been the work of extra-terrestials.