Your Worst Nightmare: Hormonal Canada Geese

As the great YouTube philosopher Antoine Dodson  might say, "Hide your kids. Hide your wives. 'Cause the geese are attacking everybody out here!" Suburbia's Canada geese just seem to go insane this time of year. They have little fear of humans, the females get territorial and the lovelorn males just want to fight, all culminating in an extremely high rate of pedestrian-goosings:

Even law enforcement is at risk. Last week a Cincinnati police lieutenant was riding a bike on patrol when a goose came out of nowhere and knocked him through a plate-glass window.

When geese with "spring rage" aren't assaulting police officers, they are disrespecting personal property rights. They select the roofs of malls and other buildings for nesting, and aggressively defend the stolen turf from its rightful owner. They even resort to motor-vehicle theft. Check out this video, which includes a crazy goose that assumed possession of a man's fishing boat and humiliated his poor Chessie:

Even my fiance had a run-in with a group of Canadas that hissed and followed her.

"My first thought was how aggressive the geese are right now," she said. "My second was how delicious they'd taste grilled with a side of horseradish."

My how the tables turn from January to April. Instead of eating geese, they run us down, steal our property and, well, goose us. Stay safe out there, my friends. Give nesting hens a wide berth, peek inside your boat before entering, and practice running with both hands on your buttocks. If you have any other spring goose safety tips, please share them below.

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1 Response to Your Worst Nightmare: Hormonal Canada Geese

RyDaddy wrote:
April 18, 2011

No goose is going to humiliate me like that...if I see it coming. If its self defense I can't see how the police would take issue with me wringing its neck. Too many years working part-time at a pheasant hunting operation to not be comfortable enough around big birds to grab it and kill it if it pisses me off!