Why Can't Deer Hunters Cook?

I was catching up with a friend of mine, who for whatever reason prefers hunting deer to waterfowl, when he mentioned his freezer full of ducks and geese.

"They're just awful, livery creatures," he said. "My wife hates them and I can barely swallow them."

As often as I encounter yet another deer hunter who can't cook, I'm continually taken aback by their lack of culinary care. I told my friend that I'd choose a duck breast over a venison backstrap every day of the week; that I'm saving a goose for my wife's birthday; and that if I'm ever on death row, I want a mallard breast with wild rice, asparagus and a cold beer for my last meal.

He couldn't believe it, and the next day I received an email from him soliciting recipes.

Now, I could've given him my favorite, can't-screw-it-up dishes. Like this recipe for geese. Or one for ducks in which you marinate the breasts overnight in Lawry's mesquite marinade, then cook them in a hot cast-iron pan until they're black and crispy on the outside and red in the middle. The marinade carmelizes, washing the breasts in sweet, steak-like flavor. What a meal.

However, my friend slipped up, divulging that the waterfowl in his freezer are specklebellies and black ducks—my all-time favorites. I knew I couldn't trust a deer hunter with a duck man's job.

So I sent him an email:

Dear Joe,

Regrettably, you shot the only two species I refuse to eat. Fortunately I'm headed to the food bank this afternoon to drop off some venison. I'll stop by to pick up your ducks and geese for donation.

Kyle

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2 Responses to Why Can't Deer Hunters Cook?

FATT BASS wrote:
March 27, 2012

AFTER A GOOD MORNING OF DUCK HUNTING MY BUDDIES AND I REGROUP TO CLEAN AND PREP OUR BIRDS FOR AN EVENING FEAST, WE DEBONE THE BREASTS AND SLICE THEM TO FINGER SIZE THEN SOAK THEM IN A SMOKEY SALT BRINE FOR A FEW HOURS THEN DRAIN THE BRINE , DUST THEM WITH ONION & GARLIC POWDER AND ADD SOME COOKING SHERRY, MARINADE FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS,FIRE UP THE GRILL AND SPREAD THE DUCK FINGERS OUT COOKING THEM FOR 3-4 MINUTES PER SIDE, THEN PILE THEM UP 3-4 DEEP AND DRIZZLE COOKING SHERRY OVER THEM ONE MORE TIME FOR 2-3 MINUTES. REMOVE FROM GRILL AND SERVE WITH BROWN RICE AND HOT BREAD ROLLS. IF WE BAGGED ALOT OF DUCKS WE ALSO COOK UP A BATCH OF SWEET AND SOUR DUCK, WHAT A FEAST!NOTHING BETTER THAN GOOD FRIENDS, GOOD EATS AND COLD BEER TO END A GOOD DAY OF DUCK HUNTING.

Levi Banks wrote:
March 21, 2012

It seems to be a problem in a lot of hunter's households. I would almost always pick wild game over domestic, if I trust it was properly handled and prepared. Unfortunately most people don't seem to handle and prepare it very well. Overcooking and drowning the flavors seem to be the most common sins committed.