The 2011 Dumbest Poacher Awards

In the first four Poachey Awards, One-Track Mind has celebrated outdoor stupidity in the mold of the famed Darwin Awards. You've witnessed everything from the adventures of Robo Deer to a murder mystery-style thriller involving “Poacher X."

I've gotten ahold of three more stories that will both amaze and confuse you, and trust me, this isn't the last you've seen of these awards in 2011.

Poachers Caught Near Royal Honeymoon; Win Paparazzi Poacher Award
To all those who followed the courtship and eventual marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton, some of the details of this poaching case might sound familiar. In late October of last year, William and Kate traveled to Mount Kenya, Kenya to a safari lodge where the Prince would propose to his future bride. During the couple's stay, the first of four elephants to be illegally killed in the area was found some five miles from the royal love shack.

From the out of Edinburgh:

Four out of seven elephants fitted with satellite tracking collars have been killed on the slopes of Mount Kenya in recent months, only a short distance from the safari lodge where Prince William proposed to Kate Middleton. Scottish conservationist Iain Douglas-Hamilton said the animals were fitted with collars over the last year by his charity, Save The Elephants. Mr Douglas-Hamilton said the mountain's dense forest made it difficult for rangers to patrol and protect elephants which do not have GPS collars.

Poaching has a long and sordid past in Africa, and with over 300,000 reported elephants in Kenya alone, ivory thieves are ramping up their fearless efforts. All the followers of the royal wedding can just be happy to know that the epic nuptials were not affected by these criminals. There is no word of any arrests in the case.

Poachers Use Fake Identities; Win Covert Ops Award
This is without a doubt the first case of poaching I've seen reported that would make a quality storyline for an episode of CSI. On April, 21 the Southern Oregon newspaper The Mail Tribune reported that a ring of nine poachers were facing racketeering charges for allegedly stealing the identity of Oregonians to buy hunting licenses and tags and then illegally killing as many as 300 black-tailed deer over the past five years. The charges stemmed from a 15-month investigation and could result in fines up to $375,000 and a Class A felony that could land these poachers in jail for 20 years.

From the

Most of the alleged poaching occurred in 2009 and 2010 on federal Bureau of Land Management and private timberlands within the state's McKenzie Wildlife Management Unit. It focused largely on black-tailed deer, though also included elk, antelope and bear, according to the OSP.
Many of the animals were killed to fill tags for people who either did not hunt or had their identification stolen strictly to gain licenses and tags in their names.

The case broke open when one of the victims received an Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife envelope requesting a tooth from a black bear killed during a hunt be sent to the agency as part of the study, police said. When the victim told ODFW he had no hunting license or bear tag, agency officials discovered a license and tag were bought illegally in the victim's name, police said.

This case involved years of lies, deceit and what can be summed up as organized crime. Oregon Police officials seized 18 hunting rifles, 108 sets of antlers, several hunting licenses and tags, keys to gates on private timberland, two whole poached cow elk and about 1,600 pounds of processed game meat after a search of the accused's homes.

Men Poach Deer for Super Bowl; Win Party Favors Award
Check this story reported earlier this year on this blog and on in Pittsburgh:

Two Fayette County men are in trouble for allegedly serving poached food at their Super Bowl XLV party
and that doesn't mean eggs or salmon.

A state wildlife conservation officer has charged Christopher Layman, 21, of Uniontown, and James Donaldson, 35, of Lemont Furnace, with killing two deer out of season on Feb. 5 so they could serve fresh venison at their party for the big Steelers-Packers game the next day.

The two culprits confessed to killing the deer and skinning it in their garage before feeding it to their hungry guests. They were both charged with misdemeanors. Seems that the Steelers weren't the only losers in Pennsylvania on Super Bowl Sunday this year.

*To report suspected poaching in your area check the NRA's list of poaching hotlines.

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6 Responses to The 2011 Dumbest Poacher Awards

fred wrote:
April 21, 2012

I think guilty poachers should be casterated

paul wrote:
April 16, 2012

thats some of the problem, charged with misdemeanors! should be class I felony!!!

Rich wrote:
February 14, 2012

I get so pissed off when I read this kind of story. How these miscreants rationalize their actions is a true mystery! Who, when and where do they, and all poachers, cheats, a-holes of the ilk get the idea they are more equal than the rest of us who hunt hard, and fair, to get our game.

hollowboy wrote:
December 11, 2011

it sickens me to see what people will do,just to kill animals.while the rest of us have pasion that drives us to getup day after day to get bambis daddy,,,i hope that more can be done to stop more poachers cause for every dumb poachers,there is probably 3 smart poachers out there.thanks to the men and woman whom work so very hard to stop these outcast.

Frank G wrote:
July 20, 2011

Or as Steve Smith states: YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID!

Dave Nesbitt wrote:
July 19, 2011

I have to go with Forrest Gump on these. "Stupid is as stupid does."