Former Spouses Fight for Custody of Chocolate Lab

A divorcing Canadian couple who apparently share a very special kind of hate decided they couldn't agree on custody of their chocolate Lab without a judge's assistance. I say special kind of hate because, for one thing, they went to court over a dog and, for another, the judge wrote that "a high degree of animosity exists between the parties." Clearly. Talk about a serious commitment to ensuring your former lover's continued unhappiness.

As I pondered this matter some rather sick important questions arose in my mind:

Why would Canadians waste time and taxpayer dollars on a dispute over a dog? Aren't they already wasting enough money on socialized medicine, a disastrous long-gun registry and the NHL?

Can the dog retrieve ducks? The Lab in question was reportedly purchased for a mere $700. Deals can be found, but Labs out of good hunting stock usually start closer to $1,000, and chocolates are often even more expensive (demand has been driven up by whipped husbands whose wives insist on them). So based on the purchase price, the former couple's Lab likely has no interest in retrieving ducks, which in my book places its value closer to zero dollars.

Who won custody? This one can be answered definitively—the judge awarded custody of the dog to the ex-wife, noting that buying the dog was her idea and that she played a larger role in the dog's training (which probably did not include even an introduction to force-fetch). The National Post ran a summary of the ruling:

The judge awarded exclusive possession of the dog to the woman, who must pay her ex-spouse $350 for half of the pet’s purchase price. Judge Zarzeczny was satisfied the couple got the pet on the woman’s initiative, and she was principally involved in the dog’s early training and care. The judge also found that while both spouses were attached to the pet, the Lab’s companionship was more important to the woman, who also plans to retire and spend her winter months in a “dog friendly” southern U.S. location. In addition, the new woman in the ex-husband’s life owns two Labs, and he has the benefit of their companionship, the judge noted.

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